Member-only story
Losing my Dad and Myself at the Same Time
How grief changed me
Losing myself
When my dad died of cancer, it took me a long time to get to a point in my life where I could be okay, considering the bereavement. Of course I missed him, but I never expected to miss myself as well. I was still here, but I wasn’t the same me I had been before.
I remember feeling cold and like I had lost my warmth, not physically of course, but when who I was a person. I couldn’t feel the same love or the positive emotions I had before. Looking back, I see that I closed myself off, and for a while I thought I was dealing with my dad’s death quite well. I didn’t realize I hadn’t even started the grieving process. I couldn’t feel anything. One thing sticks with me. My partner’s friend hugged me and made a big deal of how long my father’s death would stay with me. I thought it was strange because I didn’t feel that way.
Getting help
It was only after a temporary split from my partner (which I thought would be permanent at the time) when I had so much time alone I drowned in my own grief. I barely stopped crying, and I was at the beginning of the grieving process; for my dad and the person I used to me.
This prompted me to seek help, and I found a local support group. When one of the group leaders…
